Another disgusted post by Maynard

I saw a happily inebriated person waving a can of “Jungle Joose”. Wazzat?, I wondered? I looked up the Joose Wiki

Joose is an alcoholic energy drink, similar in design and purpose to competing beverages such as Sparks and Tilt. It is growing in popularity due to its relatively high alcohol content…Joose contains caffeine, taurine, ginseng, and certified colors. Joose is currently available in 23.5 oz orange, red, purple, green, or blue cans on a black background.

Fair enough. Then I read on…

On November 19, 2009 the FDA announced they are threatening to ban alcoholic drinks with caffeine, including Joose. The makers of these products have 30 days to prove “clear evidence of safety,” or these products will be taken off the shelves.

What? Those tireless do-goody busybodies have found yet another stupid reason to stick their big stupid noses into our private lives.

Seeking hard news, I turned to the New York Times:

In a statement, the Food and Drug Administration said it had told nearly 30 manufacturers of the drinks that unless they could provide clear evidence of safety, it would “take appropriate action to ensure that the products are removed from the marketplace.” Officials did not say how long such a determination might take.

The drinks, which combine malt liquor or other spirits with caffeine and fruit juices at alcohol concentrations up to about 10 percent, have become increasingly popular among college students. In a news conference, Dr. Joshua M. Sharfstein, the agency’s principal deputy commissioner, said their consumption was associated with increased risk of serious injury, drunken driving, sexual assault and other dangerous behavior.

Wow. Dr. Joshua M. Sharfstein has officially determined that drinking makes you drunk. Imagine that!

What the hell is going down in this country? How the hell did the FDA get the power to tell us not to mix booze and coffee? This is the discussion you have with your spouse or your minister or your mommy. And then, if you’re an adult, you decide for yourself what to do. What sort of insane fascist nanny state is America becoming?

I think we need to gather in Washington, share a tub of White Russians (the best drink (and now illegal)!), and then march on the FDA headquarters, tarring and feathering every scumsucking administrative czar we meet. If questioned, we can explain this is part of our stimulus-grant-funded experiment to provide “clear evidence of safety” of caffeine-alcohol beverages, and also to demonstrate “clear evidence of safety” of tarring and feathering Constitution-trampling government bureaucrats. And if the latter demonstration provides mixed results, at least we’ll have proved that trashing the Constitution can be hazardous to your health.

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7 Comments | Leave a comment
  1. makeshifty says:

    What caught my eye was the mixture of a depressant (alcohol) with a stimulant (caffeine, possibly among others). That could be a dangerous mix. But then we’d have to ask someone in the medical profession to know for sure. In my simple mind I would think the two would counteract each other. But still, it would be good to check.

  2. Mike Peacock says:

    Relax, man… if I’ve learned anything from movies, it’s that the prohibition era was fun as hell!

  3. Shifra says:

    So now the FDA is going after the Jews? What a bunch of fascist bastards! What? Huh? um, j-u-i-c-e? Ok, never mind…..:)

  4. lord-ruler says:

    Well I personally question when the Bush administration banned Ephedra. I used it to lose 50 pounds. I know exactly what the Palin Democrat would say about that but the stuff works. The people who died took many times the amount they should have been taking. I personally could only tolerate one pill a day when the actual dosage was set at 2 or 3 pills a day. This ban on Caffeinated Alchoholic Beverages is no sweat for me because I have never consumed an alchoholic Beverage in my life. These drinks may be dangerous but only because people do not use common sense. Just because we have a couple of Dummies in this country everyone has to suffer. It is the same with smoking. I find it amusing that people are allowed to do things like when Bruno put his rear end in Eminems face and it is not only acceptable but praised. On the other hand smoking is virtually banned on movies and t.v. We all know Barack Obama smokes and he has gone out of his way to hide that very well. I as a truck driver am subject to random drug testing. The reason for this is for public safety. I propose for the safety of the public that all members of the legislative and executive branches be tested for drugs. Especially the president.

  5. Pat_S says:

    And yet, a product like CHANTIX, taken to stop smoking, is OK with the FDA as long as the company mentions this about their product.

    If you, your family, or caregiver notice agitation, hostility, depression, or changes in behavior, thinking, or mood that are not typical for you, or you develop suicidal thoughts or actions, anxiety, panic, aggression, anger, mania, abnormal sensations, hallucinations, paranoia, or confusion, stop taking CHANTIX and call your doctor right away.

    If the FDA thinks you can make a phone call to your doctor when you are manic and hallucinating, you should be able to handle a caffeine/liquor combo.

  6. thierry says:

    the almost exact same thing happened with” fortified wines”- super cheap and high alcohol so you get super drunk meaning homeless, long term alcoholic drink of choice. some are still around like nighttrain, wild irish rose, thunderbird , and my personal favorite ” mad dog 20/20( ” the wine of the century”) but the most famous is long gone: immortalized by redd foxx – ripple ( ” crack and ripple- i call it cripple.”).

    there were always attempts to ban their sale in the poorer neighborhoods and the fda spent the 90’s forcing some to use certain labeling. but it’s ok for those in more affluent zip codes to get rip roaring drunk on hobo wine if they so desire.

    in 2005 the liquor commission in washington state finally banned the sale of fortified wines and malt liquors in what they termed “Alcohol Impact Areas”.

    like alcohol is the reason for ghettos and poverty . they should be called rather “Democratic/liberal Social and Economic Policy Impact Areas” and then certain politicians and other law makers ie liberals should be banned from representing them.

  7. chris_bdba says:

    Never fear as long as we can get vodka we will have Kahula! I have a home made recipe that takes exactly like the name brand.

    Kahlua

    1 1/2 c brown sugar
    2c water
    1c sugar
    1/2c instant coffee (not crystal type)

    heat until sugar melts and mix is smooth
    allow to cool to room temp

    add:
    3c vodka
    2TBS vanilla

    makes about 1 quart recipe can be doubled/tripled and remember the higher the proof of vodka the better I like to use 100 proof Smirnoff’s but any brand will do. 🙂

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