While he is widely favored to win the Republican nomination for president next year, Mitt Romney told reporters Monday that deep down, what he truly wants is to actually establish a real, authentic connection with at least one voter before his campaign ends.
The anguished former Massachusetts governor, who conceded many in his party will recognize him as their most electable candidate and vote for him only by default, said victory in the primaries will mean nothing to him if he remains incapable of energizing a single member of the American electorate.
“I’m getting a lot of support just by virtue of being the Republican in the race most likely to beat Obama, and that’s good, I guess,” Romney said. “But I suppose I was hoping for a stronger, more emotional reaction from people. When this whole thing is over, all I really want is for one person to truly, earnestly believe in me—to look me in the eye as if to say, ‘I’m with you, Mitt. You are great, and I am excited about you as a person and as a leader.’”
“There’s got to be at least one, single individual out there who really, really wants me to be president, right?” he added. “Right?” [...]
Sources confirmed Romney has directed his staff to conduct a nationwide door-to-door search to find at least one individual excited by his bid for the presidency, a massive undertaking he initiated upon realizing his own aides and volunteer workers had only joined his campaign after failing to find a more inspiring candidate to rally around.
This prompts me to mention a personal favorite Onion slice: “American People Hire High-Powered Lobbyist To Push Interests In Congress”. Would that something like this were to come true! It’s painfully obvious that modern Washington has come to represent everyone but the American People.