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**Guest Post by TAM Shifra**

Shifra’s message to Obama involves stuffing phone booths, fainting women, and those Wascally Wepublicans. I suggest he pay attention 😉

Dear Mr. President,

I am writing to offer you my sincere apology. You see, a while back, when I heard that you had compared yourself to FDR, I laughed. Really ROFL. It just seemed so far-fetched, a real stretch. But, really, what did I know about Roosevelt? Just something about “nothing to fear but fear itself.” And a picture in my elementary school American history book, of a bunch of old guys in black robes that I used to stare at when I got really bored in class. Underneath the picture, the caption read: “Roosevelt’s ‘court-packing.’” Honestly, I had no idea what they were talking about. I thought it was like telephone booth-packing that the older kids were doing, back in the day.

But here’s the thing: I recently started reading up on FDR, and I started to see some really nifty comparisons

between the two of you. Yup, they just sort of jumped off the pages! So now, as a token of my sincere regret at having mocked and belittled you, I would like to offer several comparisons between you and FDR that I’m sure you will appreciate:

Calm demeanor
You know how people admire your cool, detached demeanor? No-drama Obama, they call you. Same thing with FDR! As a matter of fact, a few weeks before FDR’s Inauguration, a nut job pulled a gun on him, and missed. Five people, though, were hit. The most seriously injured was Chicago Mayor Anton J. Cermak, who sustained a stomach wound. Roosevelt calmly assured the crowd that he was unharmed, and then he rode with Cermak to the hospital. Medical staff credited FDR with preventing the mayor from going into shock, and Raymond Moley, one of FDR’s advisers, later wrote of the incident, “I have never seen anything more magnificent than Roosevelt’s calm.”

You, too, Mr. President, saved a life. It was at a campaign rally. A woman fainted. You calmly stopped your speech. You asked everyone to give her some space. You even offered her some water. It was breathtaking to watch. And at the next rally, same thing happened. I lost count, though; was it four, or five lives that you saved? Bravo, Mr. President.

Supreme Court Hissy Fits
After FDR’s Administration lost the Schechter Poultry Corp vs. United States case (aka The Sick Chicken Case), FDR had a *fit.* He was really mad at the Supremes. He told some reporters that the Supreme Court interpretation of the Commerce Clause was taking the country back to the “horse and buggy” era. Then he called them “the nine old men.” Ouch, that’s gonna leave a mark.

You, too, were mad at the Supreme Court, for their campaign finance decision in ’09. But instead of making a statement, say, at a presser, you waited until they were your guests at your State of the Union speech. Then, you berated them, with the Dems jumping up and cheering you on, while the Justices had to sit, stone-faced, and “take it.” You really embarrassed them. Very classy, Mr. President!

The Constitution
It must be really tough being a Progressive POTUS. I mean, you have all these really *swell* ideas about running the country, and then the Conservatives start shoving that pesky Constitution in your face. Yup, in FDR’s time the Constitution stopped some of FDR’s brilliant plans, like the government controlling the U.S. economy. And now, with ObamaCare, the Conservatives are trying to pull that same “It’s a Violation of the Constitution” schtick on you. As Sen. William Edgar Borah (R-Idaho) said after the 9-0 Schechter SC case decision, “We live under a written Constitution…fortunate or unfortunate, it is a fact.” Or, as Elmer Fudd famously said, “Those Wascally Wepublicans!”

Jewish Voters
American Jews really loved and revered FDR. They loved him so much that, after the Schechter brothers won their SC case, their business lost most of their customer base. It seems Jewish customers were upset that the Schechters had dared to oppose their beloved FDR. Unbelievable, but true.

And Jewish Dem/Lib/Leftist voters really love you, too. They have that far-away, “pass the Kool-Aid” kind of look. Oh, btw, you know who are your biggest fans? Jews from the former Soviet Union. They risked *everything* to escape the Commies, but you know how it is, moving to another country. Sometimes, you just get nostalgic for the homeland. And with your socialist/Marxist agenda, it just makes them feel right at home here in the U.S. of A. Why, just the other day, I got into a political discussion with my Russian Jewish shoemaker. As soon as I mentioned your name, he got all excited, and started screaming, “I *spit* on all the stupid Liberal Jews who voted for ….” Oh wait, this may not be the best example. But, anyway, on their behalf, thank you, Mr. President.

And while we are on the subject of Jews, thanks so much for that *fab* not-really-on-Chanukah party, held two weeks before the holiday. Jews around the country were thrilled! I mean, we all ran around, channeling Sally Field (“POTUS loves us. He really, really loves us!!!”) And that clip we saw of your welcoming remarks: you were simultaneously smug, condescending *and* bored. Very impressive! And your comment “We never need an excuse to have a party” really added to the significance of the gathering. Very clever, Mr. President.

Anyway, since I am doing all this comparing stuff, here is another clip of a Chanukah party (actually took place *on* Chanukah, what a concept!), at City Hall in Newark, New Jersey. It was hosted by Mayor Cory Booker. He is a Democrat, just like you. He is African/American, just like you. He is an Ivy League law school graduate, just like you. He is a Christian, just like….um…well…. whatever. But, unlike you, he seemed so… sincere. He spoke without notes, without a teleprompter, and he spoke from the heart. I guess Mr. Booker has a lot to learn from you.

Hmm. On second thought, maybe *you* should be taking notes. Just a suggestion, Mr. President.

Sincerely,
@NYJooo