Bwahahahahahahaha!

Via The Sun.

Hate cleric Abu Hamza is set to be fitted with a SPOON to replace his famous hook, it was revealed last night. Hamza may be given a “spork” — a cross between a spoon and fork, normally favoured by campers. The radical preacher, 54, is facing 11 terror charges in the US after finally being extradited from the UK last year.

Hamza, who lost his hand and an eye in an explosion in Afghanistan, has been fuming since he was stripped of his metal hook by US jail staff because it was a security risk. His lawyers say he is unable to use toilets properly and can’t turn taps on or off.

Now they want him to have a new prosthetic hand with a “spork”. Lawyer Lindsay Lewis said: “We’ve been trying for five months now to get our client a better prosthetic limb but they keep changing the time lines. It’s very frustrating for him. He finds it hard to eat, use the bathroom and even turn on the hot and cold taps.”

His legal team are also demanding a LAPTOP so he can work on his defence from jail. Meanwhile, prosecutors say they are only half-way through probing evidence against him. They say they have to plough through 3,240 audio cassettes, 670 videos, 619 computer discs and 340 DVDs.

Egypt-born Hamza is facing a string of charges including kidnapping in Yemen and trying to set up a terror camp in the US.

He will go on trial in New York next year and faces life in jail if convicted.

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12 Comments | Leave a comment
  1. IloiloKano says:

    I have a better idea. It begins with D-I-L, and I’m not talking about pickles.

  2. Shifra says:

    This is so wrong, on so many levels. First of all, how much is a sporknectomy? I think this is going to cost us taxpayers a mint. Secondly, if he is going to use his spork for, um, uh, er, his “daily living skills,” and then he uses the spork to feed himself, he will probably get a serious ecoli infection, and will need long term hospitalization, costing us taxpayers another mint. Sheesh!

    • otlset says:

      Don’t those Muslim terrorist types wash afterwards? I do know some of those mideastern dudes go for days (or weeks?) without bathing judging by the stench if you get up closer than six feet. Oh well, at least with a spork he’s less likely to accidentally rip himself a ‘new one’.

    • Piratin says:

      I say put him on a chain gang of professional pooper scoopers!

  3. Dave says:

    They should replace his head with a spork.

  4. flaggman says:

    I liked it when Ted Cruz took the spork to Diane Feinstein.

  5. dr4ensic says:

    But can he eat “Spork and Beans”? …I mean ‘pork and beans’.

  6. Alain41 says:

    Off-topic mostly, excellent article on the importance of the Anschluss (Hitler’s Germany walking into Austria) and vulnerability of democratic governments-not good at preventing war. http://www.nationalreview.com/articles/343033/lessons-ianschlussi-mario-loyola

    “…as the Anschluss showed, democracies are very bad at defending the balance of power from a determined challenger… by 1938. As long as Czechoslovakia remained independent, with a neutral Austria to its south, Germany would be tied down in a defensive straitjacket….But if the anschluss was allowed to proceed, Czechoslovakia would be virtually surrounded by Nazi Germany….it would no longer be possible for them to defend Poland, and the alliance keeping Germany on defense would unravel, leaving all of Europe at Hitler’s mercy. And so it happened…. Western leaders had bought into the foolish attempt to make all wars illegal…the U.N. Charter doesn’t facilitate “the prevention and removal of threats to the peace” as it proclaims — on the contrary. Had the charter existed during the 1930s, it would only have shielded Hitler’s various moves toward war, much as it is now shielding Iran’s nuclear program….”

  7. SoCalGal says:

    Eat with your right, wipe with your left. Which hand is the spork on? Either way, ewww or ouch.

  8. Kitten says:

    Yep, I given this issue a lot of thought. The spork is a much more useful appendage than the hook. The whole multiple usage thingy is huge.

    Ungrateful pig.

  9. sourkraut says:

    In response to Alain41, my mother never knew what was going on while living in Munchen.
    She did tell us that the only Allied Forces that showed any compassion were black American soldiers. They gave her food, cigareetes and milk for my brother, who to this day has a Swastica on his birth certifictae. Try explaining that to Social Security when applying for benefits, and having to show your birth certificate along with your US Naturalization records. Thank God I was born in 1948. As a young child. I was called a Nazi and told to go back to where I came from. Although my friends refer to me as a teutonic barbarian, I am a proud American and will fight to the death for the rights of every God loving American Patriot.

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