“Wait, do I stop on a blinking yellow and slow down for red, or was it stop for red and eat on green? Well, I better decide quick or I’ll be condemned to disease, fire and the dreaded Sex with Cousins. Hey, don’t laugh. My friends think I’m English. They have no idea why my ears are this big.”
But can they follow traffic directions? I love the animals, but last time I checked, the reason for the phrase “Road Kill” was because our Furry Friends in the Wild didn’t understand, and could really care less, about traffic rules. But that’s not stopping the geniuses at the California Department of Transportation from considering a special traffic lane just for animal commuters. And I’m not talking about the occasional Golden Retriever who might jump behind the wheel.
SACRAMENTO — Even in Los Angeles, where celebrities dress their pets in designer clothes, a proposal for a $455,000 animal path over the 405 Freeway has riled residents who say scarce transportation dollars should not be used to help deer and bobcats get around while humans remain stuck in endless traffic.
The cost could balloon to $1.4 million if environmentalists can persuade the city to extend the wildlife path, which would be part of an overpass for vehicles and pedestrians, beyond the freeway, officials said…Even some activists who have long supported green causes are ridiculing the idea of a special path on the Skirball Center Drive bridge so coyote and opossum can commute across the Sepulveda Pass.
“What are they going to do, have Doctor Dolittle standing there directing animals to use the bridge?” scoffed Ernest Frankel, a member of the Mountaingate Community Assn., a residents group…
A connection between the habitats adjacent to the 405 would help animals flee when disease or fire affects them on either side, Edelman said, and avoid isolating them in a way that leads to inbreeding.
The Tiny Gay Squirrel says: “Inbreeding. Right. Next time I see a six-legged bobcat setting up home in a ratty trailer I’ll let you know right away.”