A post by Maynard

A census taker once tried to test me. I ate his liver with some fava beans and a nice chianti.
Mahatma Gandhi

I got the mailer from the government reminding me the census form is coming.

You’ve heard the various gripes about the racial questions. But if you’re concerned about government prying into your private life (e.g., how do you get to work? how many toilets do you have?), you’ll be happy to know the Democrats blocked a proposed change to inquire whether you’re an American citizen. Thus, with the tabulated census data being used to allocate Congressional districts, we can look forward to overrepresentation by “sanctuary” districts, and underrepresentation by districts that respect the law. Therefore, your ideal situation will be to relocate yourself to a district where you’re the only American citizen; that way you get to be a Congressman.

I’ve got a crazy fantasy of making up a fake census form and sending it to everyone I know. It will ask really bizarre questions (e.g., when was the last time you had nasal sex? what is your great-grandmother’s blood type? have you ever thrown up in your car?), and include a return envelope for B. Hussein Obamma at 1600 Penisylvania Avenue. Naturally the recipient will be warned that he or she is required to answer under penalty of law.

I’m not sure how I’m going to fill out my census form. Will I withhold information that the government has no legal basis to ask? Will I goof on the answers, just because I’m just a goofy guy? Will I play it straight? Or maybe just throw the thing in the trash? I don’t know.

Maybe I should throw a die to determine my race. One means I’m white; two means I’m yellow; three means I’m red; four makes me a, you know, knee-grow; five says I’m from Beta Reticula; and six is “other”. I guess I could classify myself as “American” or “human”, but that would probably get me visited by an angry Janet Napoleonitano.

For random paperwork, I used to list my profession as “pimp”, but these days I favor “community organizer”.

I will note that, if you happen to live in a sensible part of the world, it’s good if the census finds a lot of people in your region so you’ll get more representation. On the other hand, if you live in a lunatic district, you want the count to be low. (It seems that lunacy follows me wherever I go. I am apparently a magnet for it.)

If they send the SEIU thugs to check me out, I’ll shout through the door that I’ve been quarantined with tuberculosis, and I’m under medical orders not to leave the residence or come in contact with anyone. Then I’ll go take a nap.

These are my preliminary thoughts. I hardly need mention they’re more than a bit muddled. Hopefully Tammy and other helpful people will assist me in getting my head straight before I take pen in hand.

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12 Comments | Leave a comment
  1. jupaczyn says:

    Frankly this whole census thing is making me a bit crazy with the “here it comes” letters and the propaganda being pushed in the schools with the presentations and freebie give aways like miniature footballs and notepads emblazoned with “It’s in your hands.” It infuriates me to think of all our tax dollars being wasted on this crap and then to have the questions on the actual census overstepping the bounds of what was intended as a simple head count to determine representation is frankly just too much. If I hear one more radio ad or see one more tv commercial encouraging people to fill out their form so that they can ensure their city or state “gets its fair share” of other people’s tax dollars my head is gonna explode and someone else can have my “fair share.” I was going to decline filling out the form altogether but I changed my mind after a friend sent me the link below which outlines how to fill out the form with only the information Constitutionally required. I though I would share it with the other TAMs: http://www.thepriceofliberty.org/greenslade.htm

    • sandyl says:

      jupaczyn, thanks for the link. I think I am going to use his advice and send the same letter he sends. However, I was looking for a bio on Mr. Greenslade. Is he a lawyer? He sounds like one, but I can’t find out. Do you know?

  2. RuBegonia says:

    Maynard, just tell them “So long, and thanks for the all the fish“.

  3. Cernunnos81 says:

    Living in VA as I do and with the counties tightening their restrictions on “undocumented aliens” I guess I’d better make sure to fill mine out, don’t wanna be under represented. Hmmm, would be interesting to be a Congressman… wonder how much trouble I’d get in when I told Madam speaker to bugger off?

  4. jiaconis says:

    I have mixed feelings reguarding the census, on one hand, is is good to know the basics that are population is prgressing, on the other hand is the issue about the stories census takers asking questions that is of absoutely none of the goverments right to know.

    There is of course a more moderate path to take to get to know who we are, however, be assured that the Gov it will not even consider it… So happy with all this hope and change that whenever I see a car (and there are fewer and fewer cars with the Obama decal) All I ask them, are they happy with all this “Hope and Change) not many responses….

  5. 1elder1 says:

    I am doomed, as usual.
    The census in the 29th CD NY will determine which representative will be for my district.
    I can’t have Eric Massa anymore so I will just throw in the towel.
    The skuttlebut is that the 29th will be blended into another district. The other district being the 26th which has Lousie Slaughter (D).
    When they caught Massa tickling himself I thought: we do not need a representative . Then the redistricting gods said: Oh Yes You Do. Here’s Johnny …oooppps I mean Louise. The 80 year old geek with no denturess will be re-elected to go to Washington DC to embarass me some more.

    Palin in 2012

  6. lawmom90 says:

    My husband proudly participated as a Census field representative in 2000. He supervised dozens of Census takers and was devoted to the task. He thinks this year the Census is crooked and not being run properly. It’s very sad to see a man of his caliber so disillusioned.

  7. ladykrystyna says:

    Go to The Corner Archives. Somewhere in the last 5 days, one of the bloggers posted info about the Census, including the fact that it’s short (10 questions), none of which ask you how many toilets you have or anything like that, and that we are all obligated to answer the questions: the Constitution says that the Census is to be set up according to statutes passed by Congress. Statutes have been passed regarding the Census and the questions, etc. so therefore, they are constitutional. You get a $100 fine for every question not answered or answered untruthfully.

    The bloggers stated that on the race question we should answer this way: “other” and then write in American. Apparently a lot of people didi it that way the last time around – I think 20 million approximately.

    Given the fascistic nature of this Admin, I probably will answer the questions, but on race, I’m definitely putting American. I really don’t want to have to have a run in with J-No. It would just get me into MORE trouble and I have no desire to go to Leavenworth or any other Federal Pound me in the Butt Prison. 😉

  8. thierry says:

    the american community survey and the census short form are two separate things. the former is not sent out to everyone now every election cycle- it rotates randomly. the government threatens you as if the two are one and the same but it only has the constitutional authority to ‘enumerate’. no one has ever been fined that i can find for not filling out the ACS. very very few people have ever been fined for refusing to fill out certain census questions. although reviewed several times in lower courts the census as it is now laid out and it’s ‘ side car’ the ACS have never gone to the supreme court.

    what makes anyone think the government that thinks it has the right to do ‘whatever it wants’ to your health and wealth isn’t lying about it’s powers over you? it’s easier for them to merely threaten you to get the law abiding to comply – because it works- and they rarely fine anyone because they couldn’t withstand the scrutiny of a court case especially before the supremes who if they follow the constitution would rip their american survey a new one.

    they are only allowed to ‘ enumerate’ for purposes of representation. anything else in some cases violates the 4th amendment which the courts have often linked to our rights to privacy.

    this is not to be construed as an opinion on legality of the interment of the japanese and others during ww2, but the census was used in violation to it’s alleged privacy protections to round these citizens up. so just who do you think an obama administration if so compelled in a ‘state of war’ or domestic peril would use the census to round up likewise? an administration on the brink of a democratic gang rape of the constitution in order to enslave the population would never ever use the census for anything bad now would it? an administration that wants sovereign control over your most intimate personal medical information( vehicle for which already passed via the first porkulus act) would never ever violate you private personal census answers, would it?

  9. americanegoist says:

    I filled mine out..I wonder if they will take issue with the fact that I am a member of “the American” race group. Hmmmm

  10. nabcunion says:

    hmm.. ok so on the census thing it basically says it’s illegal to lie but your info can’t be shared with law enforcement. So i’m now seventeen black jewish hawaiian eskimos. 🙂

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