UPDATED 4/14 with new, shocking (did I say shocking?) information: Now that California has solved all the world’s problems and has tons of extra, spare money and new unicorns and rainbows to hand out, Jerry Brown has launched a super-duper new Very Serious Investigation into Strawgate! Updates as this story continues to unfold, er, bend.**

All I can say is too bad the Pulitzers have already been awarded. Due to some extraordinary detective work done by students and the investigative courage of the Associated Press it has been revealed that Sarah Palin demanded ‘bendable straws’ along with water for a speech at a Cal State campus. Bendable straws? Can’t the woman use regular ones? Does her neck not bend? Never would I have guessed that she was that…helpless. Clearly, all of Palin’s energy (including whatever energy a person needs to be president) must be spent hiding the frightened little 8-year-old behind the facade of a smart, savvy and confident woman who, uh, might be president some day. I know that sounds complicated, but hey, the mind is an amazing thing. You could never imagine what twists and turns it could go through to cope with the, erm, bendable straw issue. What’s next? Flavored water? Jelly beans?!

I know we have the Bruce Rule about Palin–if some claim about her seems just way too crazy, it is and you are to completely dismiss it. But this…look, this may be the exception to the rule. I have no answers, no explanation. I’ve been waiting for a shoe to drop about her. Little did I know it would be a straw.

Strawgate. Who knew?

Calif. students find Palin contract in trash

The flare-up over Sarah Palin’s scheduled speech on a California State University campus has taken a twist after students discovered a portion of her confidential contract.

The document found in a campus Dumpster does not include her compensation for the June 25 speech to the CSU Stanislaus Foundation.

It does specify other requirements to be provided by the foundation, including round-trip, first-class airfare for two, a suite and two rooms at a deluxe hotel and transportation via SUVs or black town cars….It also requires that Palin’s lectern be stocked with water bottles and bendable straws.

The students say they acted on a tip that documents were being shredded inside the main administration building last Friday, a day that campus staff was supposed to be on furlough.

Acted on a tip? A bendable tip, I betcha!
UPDATE EXCLUSIVE: Hidden camera picture of an obviously frightened and desperate Palin reaching into a crowd of complete strangers frantic for a bendy straw. Or something. What?

Suddenly previously unknown and unseen secret pictures of Palin are coming out of the woodwork. I’ve just been sent this new shocking pic of Palin frantic for yet another bendy straw, shamelessly diving into a crowd of strangers. And look, people are so sweet they’re trying to help her by handing her one! Or maybe they’re just trying to touch her, but hey, it’s the same thing. Handshake. Bendy Straw. Whatever. Sweet God, when will it end?!

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30 Comments | Leave a comment
  1. Kelly says:

    The media finds nothing newsworthy in Obama bending over for the Chinese, but Palin uses bendable straws?! Now that’s breaking news!

  2. bachmann2012 says:

    I’m willing to bet that since the contract was found in the trash that some leftist typed it up themselves, planted it there, picked it up, and called the media.

  3. LorieByrd says:

    Excellent point, Kelly. Bendable straws vs. bendable President. No surprise which the media would find more newsworthy. But since they are making a big deal out of it… have you ever tried to drink bottled water with a straight straw? I have and it almost always falls down into the bottle and the only way to get it out is to dig into the top of the bottle with a finger and fish it out. My daughter always asks me to buy bendable straws and I always do for that reason, among others. Believe it or not, you can purchase a package of 50 – 100 of them at the $1 store for, yep, $1. How dare Sarah Palin insist on such extravagance.

  4. She makes that skirt look so good, I’d buy her all the bendy straws she wants.

  5. Jones says:

    this is like all the president’s men except it’s not a movie! dear god who can we trust NOW!!!

  6. naga5 says:

    i want it to be true so i can see the lame stream media say “bendy-straw-gate” with a serious as a heart attack tone of voice. and then try to come to the defense to straight straws everywhere. they would be real conflicted about fairness to straight straws.
    life, liberty and the pursuit of appropriate suction drink appliances!

  7. jeaneeinabottle says:

    I love it 🙂 Hilarious, just like crashing a rally that’s racist, homophobic and what else are we? to prove that we are racist, homophobic whatevers. What will they think of next?

  8. RuBegonia says:

    Yikes – haven’t heard anything so scandelous since Sandy Berger stuffed his pants!

  9. jap81 says:

    That’s it! This is the last straw! I can forgive her for supporting McCain, but this is just too much….I am heartbroken…I think I’ll go drink straight from a glass.

  10. The Ugly American says:

    Man….when Tammy gets her snark on, it’s a thing of beauty.


  11. jap81 says:

    Boy, some students are really grasping at straws trying to get the university to cancel on Sarah. I just saw a news story on this and they only mentioned a jet and hotel suites. However, they said this does not violate university laws (as the students were hoping) because they will be paid for with private donations.

  12. Winegirly says:

    In light of this news I am surprised she did not win the recent straw poll New Orleans!

  13. oldwolves says:

    We , of the straight straw community, hereby withdraw, all support for the candidate, if she should ever run. We have been maligned as being to stiff or unbending for to long. Scenes like this only reinforce the stereotypes which we have been for so many years fighting against. So with deep regret, we pull out all of our votes. She will soon regret this outrage when she sees all three of our votes ripped from the election! (Well…OK, two votes, unless mother dies. Then I will definitely not vote for her. I’ll go with that nice old guy she used to hang out with. I hear he even takes out his teeth when he uses a straight straw!)

  14. Cassy Fiano says:

    […] Tammy Bruce New Palin scandal: Strawgate […]

  15. Shifra says:

    Sarah doesn’t drink from straight straws? Gosh, has our Sarah just been “outted?”

  16. Shifra says:

    But thank G-d for Urkel and his Summit! Now that Ukraine will be giving their uranium to the U.S. for safekeeping, we can all sleep well, knowing that World Peace is at hand. And, added Summit bonus: South Korea agreed to host the next Summit, in two years!!!! Isn’t that FANTASTIC!? Come one, everyone, let’s all hold hands: “Someone’s singin’, Lord, Kumbaya…”

  17. Chuck says:

    This nonstory has so many angles which make it fascinating. First, students scavenging for trash: don’t they have anything better to do, like say, study? Then AG Jerry Brown (aka Moonbeam) issuing a statement: “This is not about Sarah Palin. The issues are public disclosure and financial accountability in organizations embedded in state-run universities.” Aren’t there more important matters to be concerned as an attorney general, especially in California, rather than dealing with the contract of a university with a private citizen? Third, the brouhaha about the demands of the contract. One that drew my attention was “must be provided with a suite and two single rooms in a deluxe hotel near the campus in Turlock in the Central Valley.” As far as I know, the only “deluxe” hotel in Turlock by name is the Deluxe Inn in Modesto, a cheapo motel. Probably the best hotel in the area (not counting Stockton) is the Marriott Courtyard in Modesto, and that’s not a deluxe hotel by any means. So to me deluxe means business-type hotel, not a 5 star hotel. There’s a nice Sheraton in Stockton, but that’s like an hour away. So the demands are much ado about nothing.

    All-in-all, what’s the big deal? This goes hand-in-hand with Crowley’s story about how much Sarah is making.

    Has anyone seen the demands of Al Gore? Or better yet, has anyone seen Al Gore? 🙂

  18. Chuck says:

    Tammy, ABC has the aforementioned addendum to Palin’s contract. Here is the link. As you can see, and as you know from your experience as a speaker, there is nothing out of the ordinary here.

    Palin Contract Addendum

  19. aardvark says:

    If she demanded crack, I’d get worried – get a life, MSM. Sheeeeesh!

    If they’re out of ideas, I can suggest just a few other things to occupy their time…mmm, legislative pork, bribes for votes on ObaMao DeathCare, how POTUS is selling out US sovereignty to the UN and other foreign entities — but that’s just a start.

  20. norm1111 says:

    The horror!!! Chrissy, Olby and the rest of the MSLSD crowd are going to go utterly straw crazy over this latest drama!!

  21. Leon says:

    I want to get a Palin pin to wear. Just because of this politically motivated assault on a couple, by a bunch of creeps who saw the pin.


  22. wastubbs says:

    I also want an Palin pin where can I get one?

  23. eMVeeH says:

    OK. Isn’t the state of California on the brink of economic collapse? So why the hell is the State Attorney General, Jerry Brown, aka Governor “Moonbeam,” willing to waste taxpayer moola just to verify if Sarah Palin’s speaker fee was actually used for its intended purpose? And not used to cater to Palin’s “diva” demands.
    [cricket sounds]

  24. Kelly says:

    I wanted to give some props to CSU Stanislaus President Hamid Shirvani for this statement:

    “This is not about how much money we’re paying Gov. Palin. This is about political ideology. If we had invited Michael Moore or Al Gore, we’d have nobody asking how much money we’re paying them.”

    I must admit that I’m shocked. I never expect to hear rational statements for anyone in academia, especially here in California. Well done, President Shirvani.


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