From the troublemakers over at The Onion. Satire works when it gets pretty darn close to the truth 😉 (HT TAM @Previsionist, )aka Mariachi in Chat.

Mitt Romney’s Goal To Connect With One Voter By The Time This Is All Over

While he is widely favored to win the Republican nomination for president next year, Mitt Romney told reporters Monday that deep down, what he truly wants is to actually establish a real, authentic connection with at least one voter before his campaign ends.

The anguished former Massachusetts governor, who conceded many in his party will recognize him as their most electable candidate and vote for him only by default, said victory in the primaries will mean nothing to him if he remains incapable of energizing a single member of the American electorate.

“I’m getting a lot of support just by virtue of being the Republican in the race most likely to beat Obama, and that’s good, I guess,” Romney said. “But I suppose I was hoping for a stronger, more emotional reaction from people. When this whole thing is over, all I really want is for one person to truly, earnestly believe in me—to look me in the eye as if to say, ‘I’m with you, Mitt. You are great, and I am excited about you as a person and as a leader.'”

“There’s got to be at least one, single individual out there who really, really wants me to be president, right?” he added. “Right?” […]

Sources confirmed Romney has directed his staff to conduct a nationwide door-to-door search to find at least one individual excited by his bid for the presidency, a massive undertaking he initiated upon realizing his own aides and volunteer workers had only joined his campaign after failing to find a more inspiring candidate to rally around.

Maynard appends:

This prompts me to mention a personal favorite Onion slice: “American People Hire High-Powered Lobbyist To Push Interests In Congress”. Would that something like this were to come true! It’s painfully obvious that modern Washington has come to represent everyone but the American People.

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4 Comments | Leave a comment
  1. AniMel says:

    The Onion has irked me more than once, but I’ve gotta admit…this is pretty damn funny.

    As for the man himself, I couldn’t care less about his faith. Romneycare and a soft stance on immigration are going to be the two things that he will get hammered on, and rightly so.

  2. Maynard says:

    Ah, but a man’s reach should exceed his grasp,
    Or what’s a heaven for?

    — Robert Browning (English poet)

  3. otlset says:

    Not that I’m conceding anything of course at this stage, but if Romney does win the nomination and then the presidency, I’m hoping that maybe he’ll surprise us and govern more conservatively than expected. Reduce government incrementally but surely, get rid of Obamacare as best he’s able to, and for heaven’s sakes not acting on his belief (if it actually is his belief) that man-produced CO2 is driving the earth’s climate to change. Gotta hope for the best you know.

    • AniMel says:

      It has actually begun to scare me how many politicians are buying into the global warming hype. Forty years ago the hysterics were screaming that we were on the verge of the next ice age. Now even the politicians who claim to be conservative have jumped on the opposite track, ready to drive the train right over the proverbial cliff.

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