I’m probably going to regret this. It’s best to keep quiet when sorcery is involved lest you bring more trouble upon yourself. I’m really annoyed and have to say something so let the chips fall where they may.
For several months I’ve been keeping records on some household expenses. I was doing it the old fashioned way by jotting down info on a piece of paper. The paper was left atop my cluttered desk from month to month. Last month I decided to be more responsible and put the paper in a safer place. I remember being very pleased with myself at the time. Perhaps that’s what caught the attention of the document demon because now I can’t find it anywhere.
I have a file cabinet filled with various papers that go back many years, the majority of which are totally useless. There’s a user manual for a fan I no longer have. But why aren’t the mortgage papers where they should be? There has to be a supernatural explanation.
The document demon is one of many demonic specialists who plague our lives. Mine anyway. There’s the mischief caused by the tools and artifacts demon. A wrench disappears when you urgently need to fix a leaky faucet. This demon can also transform objects. The battery charger always seen in the same place becomes a package of super glue when you need to charge a battery.
There is a demon whose sole task is to cause havoc in the refrigerator. When you decide to do the right thing and finish off that leftover broccoli for lunch, a thorough search of the shelves yields nothing. I must have thrown it out you conclude. Even three days later when that overpowering odor tells you the broccoli is in there somewhere it is still hard to find.
These pests are certainly annoying and cause a degree of trouble in my life. At least I’m not a Democrat. For them the demonic activities, especially from the document demon, take on a level of perniciousness that is scary.
Remember the Rose law firm billing records? Wow, they were missing at a critical time, under subpoena I believe, and then poof months later they appear on a table in a room in the White House. No one noticed them there previously. Turns out a demon made somebody put them in a box labeled “knickknacks”.
The Democrats really have it bad with the trouble-making spirit. Remember the horror that befell Sandy Berger? The poor man was controlled by the demon to remove documents from the National Archives. Stuffed them into his underwear! As if that wasn’t bad enough, under some kind of trance he shredded these documents when he got home.
The latest victim is Lois Lerner. Europeans are forcing Google to expunge certain electronic records from their searches. Ordinary people living simple lives wanted old and embarrassing information to be electronically “forgotten”. Google argued that would be way too difficult but they have to do it anyway. And yet, two years of Lois’ emails became utterly irretrievable without even trying. Those documents probably could have blasted the smidginless claims of Republicans to smithereens.
At least there’s still a chance I’ll find that piece of paper I’ve been looking for all morning. Poor Lois. I hear her emails have been expunged from the universe for eternity. They will never be found. Not in Sandy Berger’s underwear and certainly not on a table in the White House.
So there. I have spoken aloud against the document demon. Just like Fox News. We expect repercussions.
And what is that odor coming from the IRS?
Brava Pat_S!
Thanks Patricia, well done.
Pat, I ran into some similar problems recently when I couldn’t locate my income or bank records. I didn’t want the IRS to think I was being evasive or anything, so I filed a return showing no income for the year. I wasn’t sure whether this would fly because I knew the IRS had other ways of finding stuff out, but fortunately either my employer and banks had also lost their records, or maybe the forms were stored on one of those crashed IRS PCs. In any case, the IRS accepted my explanation, so I didn’t have to pay any taxes, and they even sent me a check to keep me above the poverty line. Now that we’re all talking about this, I’m finding out that what happened to me is a very common experience, and people routinely get subsidies when they can’t find their income records. This being the case, I think it’s very unreasonable of those right-wing fanatics to react to Lois Lerner’s lost emails with skepticism and derision.
The IRS knows how to deal with mischievous pixies, especially certain types that call themselves Republicans.
Hmmmm…on a related note, see this post on the Congressional website of Rep. Steve Stockman (R-TX 36). I think this is a joke, and not an actual bill introduced on the House floor. But our world has gotten so crazy that it’s no longer possible to ascertain for sure what is fact and what is satire.
The demon gets me to do a clean out two days before I need the seeming useless item.
Pat S, I really would love to comment on your post, but I need to tear my house apart looking for my phone charger, which seems to have suddenly disappeared….
Maybe they’ll find all the missing single socks as they go around stashing evidence.
My dear PatS–you’ve still got it. 🙂 Perfect.
Hey Kim! I need a nap. LOL!
Brava, Pat_S! You have just solved many of my life’s little mysteries. Here, I thought that I was getting older and that part of my brain was running off in the middle of the night, never to be seen or heard from again. But now I know that it’s not me, at all. No! It’s those pesky “demonic specialists”, grabbing things and moving them around when I’m not looking. And, I have to wonder, how is it that they know just what I will be looking for next and manage to get the jump on me and move things right before I need them? Because I KNOW the item that I now need, desperately, was there just yesterday! That’s okay, at least now I have someone I can blame every time something goes “missing”. And, that alone, makes me feel so much better. 🙂
I’m not so light-hearted about it. I really think this is Obama’s missing 18 minutes of tape, except there’s a real possibility that Congress will be able to get it back. They just have to understand that the IRS is deliberately trying to throw them off the scent. From someone who’s worked in IT, considering the scale of the operation the IRS runs (90,000 employees), the idea that e-mails could be lost from crashed employees’ workstation hard drives, and that they only have 6-mos. of backup before it’s overwritten, and the suggestion that the committee may not get the records it wants, because some e-mails don’t qualify as records that need to be archived is absurd. None of this passes the smell test. This lie is as bad as the idea that the Benghazi attack was caused by a YouTube video, only this time it’s a better, because it actually sounds plausible to some conservatives. The IRS now has them debating the federal gov’t’s archiving policies, and whether the IRS has violated them. I really hope the committee will see the wisdom of bringing in the IRS’s IT administrators to testify about the configuration of their archiving process, and talk to people who actually maintain the archives. I think what they’ll find is what they were getting from the IRS Commissioner was BS.
In a word: They are masters in the art of stonewalling.
I feel your pain, guys! Creative filing?