Despair.com‘s raison d’être (pardon my French) is to transform our collective misery into a much-needed smirk (in exchange for a modest fee, of course). The company is best known (if it’s known at all) for this perverse line of “demotivators” (these being parodies of the typical inane rah-rah-rah motivational posters you’ll find on the walls of bureaucracies and lunatic asylums).
Believe it or not, Valentine’s Day can be awkward for those unfortunates whose mailboxes fail to overflow with tokens of affection. To comfort this traumatized crowd, Despair is hawking its line of “BitterSweets® — The Valentine’s Candy for the Rest of Us”.
Like the ubiquitous candy conversation hearts, BitterSweets® are made of flavored, chalky-tasting sugar and sport a message on their face. But unlike other candy hearts, ours are stamped with bitter musings and mockeries perfectly suited to the dejected spirits of those who will spend the holiday alone, or wishing they were.
Messages recalling an almost forgotten, unbearably painful memory of being dumped. Or perhaps of a dysfunctional, psychotic ex-girlfriend or boyfriend. Or of that cruel-hearted girl (or boy) in elementary school who rejected your valentine solicitations, informing you that Jake (or Holly) was “so totally way hotter.”
Now available in TWO unique collections— “Dysfunctional” and “Dumped”— with each featuring up to 37 unique sayings each!
Who could resist that sales pitch? It’s enough to make you wish you were miserable so you could be part of the target audience and join in the fun.
And for those of you whose love lives are peachy, skip Despair and the BitterSweets® and jump on over to the Cuppycake Gumdrop Snoogums page. If that doesn’t play on your browser, try the original Cuppycake.com site.