Wow, these shoes are ugly…and they squeak.

What could go wrong?

Via Federalist.

If you frequent the Internet, you may be aware that the Croc heel—or its properly repulsive nickname, the Crocheel—is making the hot take rounds. This abominable crime against taste and good sense has been around since 2007, but has only recently been brought to all of our attention. That has inexplicably resulted in the shoe selling out everywhere and ending up on Amazon for $200 instead of the original price of $50.

As the degenerate offspring of the already ugly classic Croc and an orthopedic pump for old ladies, the model features some hideous hardware and a chunky-yet-gelatinous rubber heel of a few inches. Its combination of dreadful practicality and ridiculous four-inch heel is exactly like the biblical story about splitting the baby in half, except that no real mother (Anna Wintour?) has stepped forward to do the right thing. That would be throw it in the fire and laugh while it melts into a puddle of tire material.

Did I mention they squeak?….

If you want a comfortable shoe, please, please just wear flats. Wear a chic pointy-toe, a ballerina, a loafer, a sneaker, one of those hideous-but-trendy dad sneakers that look like they belong on the set of “Seinfeld,” even an actual Croc. For the love of everything that is holy, wear literally anything except this mangled half-breed of a water shoe and the once-beautiful pump….

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2 Comments | Leave a comment
  1. VelvetHammer says:

    O-M-G. No! No. No. No. No. No. As in N-E-V-E-R no! I swear I will burst out laughing if I see this travesty of fashion anywhere!

    In all seriousness however, I heard one of the country’s top podiatrists interviewed a couple of years ago. He said Crocs are the worst thing you can wear due to the lack of stable support throughout the structure of the shoe. He solved the vast majority of patient’s lower back problems by asking one question: Do you wear Crocs? If yes, he told them to get rid of them. Bye-Bye back problems.

  2. Katharine the Great says:

    It’s safe to say that if anyone ever hears me raving about the “Crocheel” you’ll know I’ve lost my mind.

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