LiveWire

Just an update from the road, or more like from outside my hotel. And while I didn’t catch my tail, there are a few Tammy Adventures.

First of all, I hear my friend Doug Urbanski has been doing a very good job filling in for me at Tammy Radio. I was even a guest today on the show! I’m in Washington, DC and in between meetings I joined Doug to talk about some of my adventures this week.

One of the things I brought up is the fact that the hotel I’m staying in has five, count ’em, five Arab television stations, ranging from Al Jazeera and Dubai Sports. There’s also a special little channel that’s all Arab singing and dancing. Now, as we know in the Arab Islamist world, women aren’t really allowed to have a good time, let alone sing and dance and party. No, that’s reserved for the men, who are supposedly also not to do those things, but do them anyway. (Remember good Islamists Muhammad Atta and his 9-11 savage comrades? They spent a few of their last nights at Vegas strip clubs. Yep, the embodiment of modern Islamist hypocrisy every moment of every day).

But let’s get back to the Singing and Dancing Arabs. So here I am in DC, transfixed by the Singing Arab (not at all like the Flying Nun), and then the camera pans the audience, and it’s all men! Not one woman in the vicinity. It was, essentially, Brokeback Muhammad. Men, men, everywhere, and boy, where they enjoying the Man Singer. Truly, it looked like a gay bar but with turbans.

Gee, do you think Hollywood would ever make that movie? Nah…

Besides my being irritated with having more Arab channels than I knew what to do with, Doug and I had a great time on the show in general. I did mention that I had a brief encounter with a taxi while I was walking. I overreacted just a tad and stepped away awkwardly when a cab pulled up rather quickly to me as I was just stepping out of an intersection. I twisted my ankle, and, being the Pain Sissy I am, I hobbled over to the CVS Pharmacy and got one of those elastic wrap thingies and a big bottle of Aleve. Ultimately, all I needed was the Aleve. It’s amazing how a tiny sprain can feel like your foot has been sawed off. Okay, not really, just sorta.

I then visited the Washington, DC Tammy Radio affiliate, WMAL. I met their new program director and gave him our thanks for carrying a chick with a gun and a microphone. I especially appreciate being heard in the city where President Bush and all our elected representatives live and work. It’s important they hear our praise when appropriate, and rage when needed, such as with the illegal immigration debacle.

The Senate will in all likelihood pass their lunatic immigration bill tomorrow. You know, the one that allows illegal aliens to get Social Security retroactively. And the one that says building the wall can wait. And the one that says English is a nice language but let’s not call it “official.” Oh yeah, and it’s the same one that at first allowed between 100-200 million immigrants into the country, and when exposed was lowered to “only” 66 million in the next 20 years. I’m sure Doug will cover that passing for us extensively on Tammy Radio.

Tomorrow I will be participating in the Hudson Institute’s 2006 Bradley Symposium. The panel starts at 8:30am and will be over at about 11:30am. Click the above hyperlink for more information. Hopefully some of you can attend.

Tonight I was reading up on material for tomorrow, and watching a little TV. I will also confess to ordering a Brownie Hot Fudge Sundae thingy. Just as I began to tuck into that, and was trying to figure out which fluffy white puff of loveliness was whipped cream and which was ice cream, the hotel fire alarm goes off! Lights flash, the siren is screaming and I’m thinking, “Okay, it’s a false alarm, it’ll stop…” But it wasn’t and it didn’t. Then the Automatic Lady Voice comes on and says, “There is a fire emergency in the building. Please leave the hotel. Do not use the elevators.” Over and over and over again.

So now I’m standing there deciding what to take just in case the whole place goes up in flames–here’s what I grab–my wallet, my tiny jewelry bag (and believe me, it’s tiny), and then comes the big decision–do I take my laptop, or the Hot Fudge Brownie Sundae. I stand there looking at both of them, like they’re my children–it was the epitome of a Tammy Sophie’s Choice–my work or ice cream and chocolate.

I look at one and then the other. I think I’ll need the comfort food but I also don’t like the idea of my laptop burning up. I’ve never in my life left a perfectly good sundae just sitting there. The sundae is now in perfect sundae condition–it’s just barely starting to melt, the brownie part is getting a tiny bit mushy. The cherries on top are beginning to wobble (I was saving them for last).

Then I realize if I were to take the ice cream with me, by the time I take all the flights of stairs down, well, the perfection will be over. It simply won’t be the same. Sadly, I turn my back on the dishful of heaven, grab my Powerbook, and go to the stairs. I begin to think of one of the better disaster movies of my childhood, The Towering Inferno, and wondered what the chances were that the 1974 version of Faye Dunaway would come running down the stairs in a negligee. I calculated and decided the chances were a big, fat zero.

Well, mine wasn’t quite as bad as this, but there was a bit of a smokey smell.

So, after about an hour, we’re allowed to go back into the hotel, my knowing of the harrowing scene I will find inside. Yes, that’s right, a bowlful of liquid surrounding a mushy pile of something that used to be a brownie. It had so much potential, but it was not meant to be. I contemplated ordering another one as I wheeled the fire casualty out to the hallway, but decided against it. I figure you and I, as well as my hips, will ultimately appreciate that decision.

So now, here I am, not exactly lamenting how my wonderful plans were waylaid by errant smoke, but I am reminded how while we all have plans and might even be implementing them, sometimes the world has a different plan, a different idea.

I’ve at least now learned which direction to channel surf to avoid the Singing Arabs, and while I’m looking forward to the panel tomorrow, I’m going to be happy to get home. I miss Sadie and Sydney, and Tammy Radio. I’ll be back on the air, btw, for Friday’s show. And boy, do I have some baby shakes to share with you.