A post by Maynard

Space aliens, sensing Obama’s weakness, have hijacked the Voyager 2 spacecraft.

Voyager 2 was launched in 1977. It went on an amazing grand tour of the outer planets, visiting Jupiter, Saturn, Uranus, and Neptune. It is currently 92 times as far away from the Sun as the Earth is, and more than twice as far from the Sun as Pluto. It’s drifting endlessly outwards, carrying a multicultural golden record that the space aliens will need an old record player to listen to.

NASA continues to maintain radio contact with the two Voyager craft. Take a moment to think about the difficulty of transmitting and receiving from a tiny object more than 8 billion miles away. It’s done with huge dishes like the ones at Goldstone.

The NASA report on mysterious transmissions from Voyager 2 omits any mention of space aliens.

Some of you will recall the plot of the first Star Trek movie, in which Earth is menaced by a Voyager spacecraft that has been updated by space aliens. Unfortunately, since Obama has junked the Enterprise (to pay for health care for illegal terrestrial aliens) and court-martialed Captain Kirk (for giving Khan a wedgie), the government has no resources to counter the threat. We can only hope the invading space aliens get fed a poisoned hotdog by an alert Times Square vendor, and thus succumb to food poisoning.

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11 Comments | Leave a comment
  1. thierry says:

    space kittens. it’s space kittens- they’re the first ones to plop their fluffy asses on a keyboard and type all sorts of crazy things. it’s quite clear cats control the interwebs so why not all interstellar communication?

    the stylus to play the record is attached to it but even space kittens do not want to hear messages from such great and powerful earth leaders as jimmuh carter and the nazi kurt waldheim. and they aren’t too thrilled about johnnie b. goode either.

  2. thierry says:

    and uhura- who really did recruit successfully for NASA- was at the voyager 30th anniversary party which is very hot.


    some people wish they were the lovely uhura but they’re just another klingon with an ill fitting war belt.

  3. trevy says:

    When the aliens came down in their 15-mile-wide ships and began blasting our cities, President Obummer tried to appease them, and find out why they hate us so much, and tried to find out how we oppressed them at Roswell, NM instead of send our F-18’s out to attack them while working on a computer program to combat them.

    Unlike Darth Vader, Obummer doesn’t have one molecule of “fight” in him. But, like Vader, Obummer is “The Master of Evil.”

    One can only hope that Obummer can be redeemed, like Vader was at the end of his life.

  4. Chris says:

    The immense distances required for travel between two stars is just mind-boggling to us mere humans. The nearest star is 4.2 light-years away. That’s about 24.6 TRILLION (24,696,000,000,000) miles. It is not likely that our nearest neighbor star happens to have a planet that spawned and supports life. It is more likely that if such life exists, that it is elsewhere, much farther away, by quadrillions of miles.

    The distance Voyager 2 is right now from Earth is about 8.4 billion (8,456,000,000) miles.

    Let’s just say that IF space aliens that live at that nearest star, with the technology to allow them to go the entire distance from the nearest star 24 trillion miles away to only 8 billion miles off our doorstep, actually exist… why the hell would they tamper with a tiny, archaic, crude even by our standards today, piece of machinery that is probably thought of like a caveman’s stone arrowhead, to send us a message from it, when they could just take the equivalent of a walk down the street, finish the rest of the journey to Earth, and actually say hi?

    This ‘academic’ is off his rocker, and needs to retire. His logic is fatally flawed.

    • KatieSilverSpring says:

      hey, Chris, can you re-post that YouTube address that you did in the ChatRoom? It’s hard to go bad and find such nuggets.

    • Maynard says:

      Chris, the attack on Viking 2 is clearly an act of intentional misdirection. I think we all know that the real reason aliens cross the endless void of space and come to Earth is to eviscerate cattle and eat their eyeballs. Also, they occasionally abduct human females and impregnate them. In fact, Al Gore, born 9 months after the incident at Roswell, was the product of such a tryst. Isn’t it obvious?

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