PsychoHere’s an interesting article in the Washington Free Beacon, “EPA Wants to Monitor How Long Hotel Guests Spend in the Shower”.

The Environmental Protection Agency (EPA) wants hotels to monitor how much time its guests spend in the shower.

The agency is spending $15,000 to create a wireless system that will track how much water a hotel guest uses to get them to “modify their behavior.”

Tea Party extremists might complain that the EPA is wasting money and sticking its big nose into people’s private affairs and micromanaging our lives. This attitude is unrealistic.

Like it or not, the surveillance state has arrived. Privacy is gone and it’s not coming back. The best we can hope for is that the government handle matters reasonably.

Here is a link to the actual grant application. And here’s my proposal that should, in a reasoned world, win me that grant.

There’s no need to spend money inventing new hardware when we’ve got cheap off-the-shelf technology. We merely install a camera and a speaker in every hotel bathroom, and put the video feed online at a pay-per-view website. The viewers can then shout insults at hotel guests as they shower, which will certainly cause most people to cut short their bathing time (although I suppose a few troubled souls will instead extend their exposure and strut their stuff, in which case an Obamacare-certified psychiatric team will be dispatched). As an additional benefit, travelers that do not forgo bathing entirely will be motivated to lose weight (Michelle Obama take note!) so as to minimize the humiliation. The profits from the website can be funneled into a jobs program for terrorists or something equally worthy, so it will all be for a good cause.

So there you go, EPA. My plan will “modify their behavior” so people will save water and adopt a healthier lifestyle, while pulling in more government revenue without raising taxes. Everyone wins, nobody loses! And how many government programs can we say that about?

Thanks for your support, TAMS! I’ll post a follow-up after I receive the grant money.

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8 Comments | Leave a comment
  1. Alain41 says:

    What happens when I shower and no one signs up on ppv? Might need a depression hotline for backup.

    And then there’s the Anthony Weiner problem, where he showers and showers and showers…. Speaking of needing a shower, bye.

    • Maynard says:

      If you’re depressed because nobody even bothers to insult you in your moment of vulnerability…well, this is exactly why Obamacare has expanded your mandatory coverage to include extensive headshrinking.

  2. Kitten says:

    ROFL, Maynard! Yeah, that’ll work, and it makes about the same amount of sense as what the EPA is suggesting.

    Can we please get a conservative in the WH to castrate this agency, already?

  3. Alain41 says:

    Regarding Obama to sign Exec. Order targeting 40% reduction in Federal greenhouse gas emissions; Will Obama reduce his air travel by 40%? Will Obama reduce the number of SUVs in his motorcades by 40%? Does the WH agree that a federal agency reducing its staff level by 40% is a good way to achieve this reduction? Will any reporter ask these questions of the WH? Hey, I have four of a kind; No, No, No, and No.

  4. Alain41 says:

    Taiwan doesn’t have this problem. It’s drought has become severe enough that New Taipei City (the county surrounding the capital of Taipei) will start to turn off the tap water twice a week.

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