A post by Maynard
In a perverse way, I’m thankful for celebrity antics. As stupid and demeaning as it is to discuss these things, they serve to create a brief diversion from the real issues, sort of like a visit to the zoo is a diversion from real life. We are reminded that, in spite of our most dire fears, the world hasn’t yet come to an end.
The other day, Anne Heche, ex-beau of Ellen DeGeneres and ex-disciple of the god “Celestia” (by the way, Heche’s middle name is “Celeste”, so the incident seems a bit narcissistic), filed for divorce from husband Coley Laffoon. In court papers, Heche alleged that she can “no longer ignore an escalating pattern in Coley’s behavior, including a particular preoccupation with sexually graphic material and masturbation.” Isn’t it great to live in a celebrity fishbowl?
I won’t bother to point you to the latest update about Paris Hilton, who is getting credit for 5 days in jail even though she was only there for 3 days (she gets a day’s credit for arriving before 11:59pm the first non-day and leaving after 12:01am the final non-day, plus the 3 “real” days in between). But Mike Straka’s wrongly (as it turned out) optimistic “GRRR!” column written on her first day in custody is interesting. In part:
Believe it or not, there’s more hope for Hilton to come out of her stint in jail an older and wiser heiress than for Lindsay to come out of the Promises Residential Treatment Center clean and sober.
With no phone, no instant access to media and 23 hours a day in solitary confinement, Hilton will have no choice but to reflect on her life. She will also, presumably, meet some real hard-luck cases during her stay in the clink, and that is where Paris will do most of her growing up.
In jail she’s going to meet women who would chew up and spit out the likes of most of her “hard luck” friends, but more importantly, she’s going to see a part of this world that most of us only know from movies and television, and that’s where she’ll come out, hopefully, ahead of the game.
Nice try, Mike. I, too, would like to think individuals sometimes learn from their encounters with adversity. But not, apparently, in this case. You’d do well to heed the always-wise counsel of Yogi Berra: “Never make predictions. Especially about the future.”
I was wrong. I thought that a deal would be struck before she spent time in the slammer. “Never make predictions. Especially about the future.”
Still, I am not surprised that she gets to serve her “sentence” in a mansion. That is the result of America turning celebrities into royalty. Clinton gets off the impeachment hook. OJ walks after carving up his ex-wife. Crooked politicians create “sanctuary” cities and are rewarded with unrestrained press adulation and re-election by empty-headed voters.
After careful consideration, I realize the solution is to have Paris remanded to my custody, and I shall personally attend to her rehabilitation. The task will be arduous, but I am ready to do my bit. If our culture is to survive, justice must prevail. Naughty girls must be punished.
My take on the whole situation is that there are two forms of justice, especially in California. One for the people with money and one for the people without millions and millions of dollars. OJ and others. Will Phil Specter get convicted?
The other part, I don’t think that Paris Hilton can stand herself 23 hours a day. She is a narcissistic bimbo that couldn’t hack not being in control. Really a sad commentary on her life.
>>Heche alleged that she can “no longer ignore an escalating pattern in Coley’s behavior, including a particular preoccupation with sexually graphic material and masturbation.”
I think Heche is gonna have a hard time living with ANY man if she had major issues with those particular “preoccupations”. Too bad Ellen is taken…but hey, Paris is now available! 😉